I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
