just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
