Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Randomize
