Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
