One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
