We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
