Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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