Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
