just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
