Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Oh god it's open bar.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
