my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
