the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
