WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
