Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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