she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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