And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
