why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
