pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
