nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
