I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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