I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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