I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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