im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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