handjob tips. give me some.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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