put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
