I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
