If i could tip my vagina, i would.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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