Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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