Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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