You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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