I hope mine doesn't look like that
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
we should paint friendship bongs
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
