he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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