I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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