Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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