brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Swine flu is the new snow day.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
third nipple confirmed
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
