eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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