So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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