I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
