Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I think my moral compass just broke
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
