I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
