we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
