Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
