this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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