Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
