you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My vagina is very pro this idea
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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