So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
