i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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