my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
