My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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