ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
